


All the Young Dudes

by daleked



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Junolock, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-17 16:11:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/869446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daleked/pseuds/daleked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A retelling of Juno.</p>
<p>
  <em>Sherlock is seventeen years old, an artfully bedraggled burnout kid. He doesn't bother shielding his eyes from the weak rays of the sun. The object of his rapt attention is a battered complete chemistry set, abandoned in a lot by its former owners. There is a stained table full of mouldy test tubes along with flasks and titration equipment.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Young Dudes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [forsciencejohn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsciencejohn/gifts).



> Thank you for clicking and giving it a chance. I make no promises, but you might laugh.

1 EXT. HANWAY STREET - DUSK 

 

SHERLOCK HOLMES stands on a placid street littered with leaves, facing the curb. It’s FALL. Sherlock is seventeen years old, an artfully bedraggled burnout kid. He doesn't bother shielding his eyes from the weak rays of the sun. The object of his rapt attention is a battered complete chemistry set, abandoned in a lot by its former owners. There is a stained table full of mouldy test tubes along with flasks and titration equipment.

 

SHERLOCK (V.O.)

It started with a chair.

 

2 _INT. WATSON HOUSE - ORANGE-LIT BASEMENT- NIGHT_

 

_FLASHBACK - Sherlock approaches a boy hidden by shadow. He’s sitting in an overstuffed chair. Sherlock slowly, clumsily lowers himself onto the boy's lap._

_THE WAY I FEEL TONIGHT by BAY CITY ROLLERS plays softly in the background from a stereo. It looks to the viewer like someone has tried very hard to set the mood._

_SHERLOCK_

_Would you care to move?_

_WHISPERED VOICE_

_Oh god, yes._

3 EXT. HANWAY STREET - CONTINUED

 

A DOG barks, jarring Sherlock back to reality.

 

SHERLOCK

Oh, shut up for a second, won't you?

 

We see a teacup poodle tethered in the yard a few feet away from the abandoned chemistry set. The dog yaps again.

 

SHERLOCK (V.O.)

There are interesting marks on the equipment,

but they are not relevant to the problem at hand.

 

He sips from a thermos flask and looks at the chemistry set thoughtfully. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

Sherlock walks down various nondescript streets, slouching through them effortlessly without paying attention to his surroundings. His gaze seems to be directed inwards, as though deep in thought, as he navigates suburbia on his way to wherever he is going.

 

 

4 OMITTED 

 

5 ANIMATED TITLE SEQUENCE

 

6 EXT. DRUGSTORE - DAY

 

Finally, Sherlock arrives at THE CHEM LAB on a side street. There is a picture of a cartoon Labrador grinning down from the sign at passers-by. Sherlock sneers at it and shakes the flask in his hand. It is empty. He opens it and empties three pyramid teabags onto the floor outside the store.

 

He enters the DRUGSTORE.

 

7 INT. DRUGSTORE - CONTINUOUS  

 

BARRY BERWICK, the eccentric drugstore clerk, nods at Sherlock from behind the counter. He wears a polyester uniform vest.

 

BARRY

Well, well. If it isn’t Sherlock Holmes. Again. 

Back for another pregnancy test?

 

SHERLOCK

The last test I took was most likely defective.

The sign appeared before the stipulated waiting time.

 

Barry regards him with intense skepticism.

 

SHERLOCK

I remain unconvinced.

 

Barry pulls the bathroom key out of reach.

 

BARRY

This be your third test today, Holmes.

Your eggo is preggo. No doubt about it.

 

SHERLOCK

What are you, illiterate? Nobody speaks like that.

Give me the key to the toilet so I can piss on the pregnancy

test you're going to overcharge me for.

 

Barry hesitates while holding the key. Sherlock sees his chance and crosses his legs awkwardly, deliberately graceless. He's making it obvious that he has to use the bathroom.

 

BARRY

Maybe you’re having twins. Maybe

your little boyfriend’s got mutant

sperms and he knocked you up twice!

 

SHERLOCK

I drank a litre of green tea on my way here.

Now hand over the bathroom key

or I'll have a go on the floor.

 

Barry glares balefully and passes him the key to the bathroom. Sherlock strolls down one of the aisles and grabs a box. The cover is of both a man and a woman dressed in 80's clothing. Both are pregnant and smiling down at their bellies.

 

BARRY

Well, you know where the lavatory is.

(Calling after Sherlock)

You pay for that pee stick when

you’re done! Don’t think it’s yours

just because you’ve marked it with

your urine!

 

8 INT. DRUGSTORE - BATHROOM - DAY

 

In the public bathroom, Sherlock stands in front of the urinal and pees onto a white stick. His expression suggests he'd rather be anywhere but here. The box is in the bin. The lid is unable to close because the box is too big. It looks accusatory.

 

9 INT. DRUGSTORE - FRONT COUNTER - DAY

 

Sherlock holds the developing test in his hand and stands in front of the counter. Barry scans a barcode from a keyring of them and looks at the stick.

 

BARRY

So, you up the spout?

 

SHERLOCK

(examining stick) I can't say... Oh.

 

Sherlock looks at the test. A green plus sign is shown. Sherlock flicks the excess piss off the stick by shaking it and Barry yelps.

 

BARRY

Just pay up and leave, Holmes.

Don't get your knocked-up piss all over my floor.

 

SHERLOCK

Yes, of course. Eloquent as ever, Berwick.

10 EXT. HOLMES ESTATE - EVENING

 

Sherlock walks slowly down a street and stops at a nondescript TOWNHOUSE. He opens the door and enters, shutting it gently.

 

11 OMITTED

 

12 OMITTED

 

13 OMITTED

 

14 INT. HOLMES ESTATE - SHERLOCK’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

 

Sherlock’s BEDROOM is decorated with things best described as eclectic. There is the skull of an Atlantic Wolf-fish on the bedside table, along with a pile of science textbooks. A framed copy of the periodic table hangs on a wall, along with a judo certificate. He picks up a phone in the shape of a plate of fish-and-chips to call his best friend, MOLLY. The handset is the fish and the receiver is the chips. The phone is incongruous to the general theme of decoration for the room.

 

15 OMITTED 

 

16 OMITTED _  
_

 

17 INT. MOLLY’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT 

 

MOLLY’s room has a full-sized portrait of the human body as a repeated pattern on her walls. Each is different and annotated neatly. Her bed is a pristine white and the blanket is pink. Molly is lying on her bed petting a kitten and looking at the ceiling. Her PHONE rings.

 

MOLLY

(answering phone)

Hello?

 

SHERLOCK

I've got something to tell you.

 

MOLLY

Sherlock? Is that you?

 

SHERLOCK

No it’s Margaret Thatcher. I'm calling

to seek fashion advice.

 

MOLLY

Drop the helmet hair, that's all I'm saying.

 

SHERLOCK

(in low tones)

Molly, I'm pregnant.

 

MOLLY

Maybe it’s just a food baby. You

hardly eat, so when you do, it's

sort of noticeable.

 

SHERLOCK

It’s not a food baby. I took three pregnancy

tests today. I am definitely going to, how

do the chavs say it? Drop a sprog?

 

MOLLY

Three pregnancy tests? What did you

do, drink a whole bunch of tea?

 

SHERLOCK

Yes.

 

MOLLY

So you're pregnant.

 

SHERLOCK

Yes.

 

MOLLY

Oh my God, Sherlock!

Does John know?

 

SHERLOCK

You're the first person

I'm telling.

 

MOLLY

So, are you going to go to

Havenbrook or Male Pregnancies Now for the

abortion? You need a note from your

parents for Havenbrook.

 

SHERLOCK

I know. Male Pregnancies Now, I suppose, since

they deal with male pregnancies now.

 

MOLLY

D'you need my help with anything, though?

Can I help? It's probably hard

being pregnant and all.

 

SHERLOCK

It's surprisingly not that difficult. But

I do require your assistance on one

front. Meet me at Hanway Street.

 

18 EXT. HANWAY STREET - NIGHT

 

Molly and Sherlock struggle to drag a table across the muddy empty lot. The legs of the table catch on sparse tufts of grass but they grunt and heave until it's on the pavement. They struggle down the street with it, arms locked straight and puffing.

 

MOLLY

This wasn't what I had in mind.

 

SHERLOCK

Ugh. Come on, lift it up a little.

The legs are dragging.

 

MOLLY

So, how did this foetus come into existence?

And don't say you were bored.

 

SHERLOCK

It was a premeditated act. Well.

The intercourse, not the pregnancy.

 

MOLLY

When did you decide you were going to shag John?

 

SHERLOCK

Three months ago. He loaned me

his phone and smiled at me.

 

19 _INT. NORTHUMBERLAND HIGH - SCIENCE LAB - DAY - (FLASHBACK)_

_John stands in the doorway of the science lab and fidgets as Sherlock talks to Stamford. When Sherlock requests Stamford's phone and Stamford says no, John walks over and hands his phone to Sherlock. Their eyes meet and John licks his lips and looks away. Sherlock smiles at the ground before he types._

20 EXT. HANWAY STREET - NIGHT

 

MOLLY

Oh, Sherlock. You're in love.

 

SHERLOCK

Caring is not an advantage.

 

MOLLY

Oh, come off it, you're not Mycroft.

What about the test-tubes, then?

 

SHERLOCK

We'll be back for them. Come on.

Just a couple more lanes up.

 

Molly groans but starts giggling, and after a while, Sherlock joins in. They're both soon wheezing for breath.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what you thought of this.


End file.
